Forget swiping left or right on dating apps; the future of finding your perfect match lies in your furry friend, thanks to some genius geeks at the University of East London and the University of Pennsylvania. They’ve concocted a fancy-schmancy program called “C-BARQ” (yes, seriously!) that can read your dog’s mind better than a psychic reading a crystal ball.

This high-tech wizardry can pinpoint your pooch’s personality type with a whopping 99% accuracy. It’s like having a dog whisperer trapped inside your computer! No more guessing games about whether Fido is secretly plotting world domination or just wants another belly rub.

Now, picture this: your hyperactive, attention-seeking furball can finally be classified as more than just a walking tornado of chaos. From the excitable bundle of energy who can’t sit still to the nervous Nelly who jumps at their own shadow, C-BARQ has it all figured out.

And get this: they’ve got five personality types to choose from, just like a canine personality buffet:

1. Excitable/Hyperattached: Think of your pooch as that overly enthusiastic friend who’s always up for a game of fetch, even at 3 AM.
2. Anxious/Fearful: The doggie equivalent of hiding behind the couch during a horror movie marathon.
3. Aloof/Predatory: Your four-legged hunter who’s more interested in chasing squirrels than cuddling on the couch.
4. Reactive/Assertive: The alpha dog who struts around like they own the neighborhood and won’t take no for an answer.
5. Calm/Agreeable: The Zen master of the dog world, always ready to fetch your slippers and offer sage advice.

It’s like astrology for dogs, except it actually makes sense! Plus, it turns out dogs have been secretly judging us all along using the same categories. Who knew your pup was such a discerning critic of human behavior?

And let’s be real, most dogs are a mixed bag of all these personalities anyway. One minute they’re bouncing off the walls like they’ve had too much caffeine, and the next they’re curled up on your lap like a furry potato. My pup manages to cycle through all five personalities before I finish my morning coffee—talk about multitasking!